Dear Mary: I’m friends with a colleague twice my age, but I worry our banter and private messages are inappropriate
News August 31, 2025

Dear Mary: I’m friends with a colleague twice my age, but I worry our banter and private messages are inappropriate

Question: A few months ago I started working in an office in the public sector. I am 19. At the same time other people were starting too, including a 40-year-old man. We get along like a house on fire. It is mostly childish stuff, basically memes or pop culture references. He is surprisingly aware of what’s going on in the celebrity world for a man of his age. Honestly, it’s ‘fart joke’ level stuff and we are both usually reduced to giggles by the end of coffee break, much to the confusion of our co-workers.

A young worker in the public sector seeks advice about a friendship with a colleague more than twice her age, expressing concern that their interactions may be crossing professional boundaries. The 19-year-old, writing to the advice column "Dear Mary," explains that she quickly bonded with a 40-year-old male colleague who started working at the same time.

Their connection, she describes, is surprisingly strong, built on a shared sense of humor and a mutual appreciation for pop culture. The friendship, however, is not based on deep and meaningful conversation, but rather on lighthearted banter, the sharing of memes, and jokes that she readily admits are often juvenile. She confesses that their coffee breaks frequently devolve into fits of laughter over "fart jokes," leaving their other colleagues bewildered.

While she enjoys the camaraderie, the young worker is beginning to question the appropriateness of their interactions, particularly the private messages they exchange. She worries that their shared jokes and constant communication might be perceived as unprofessional or even inappropriate by others in the workplace. The letter doesn't explicitly state the content of the private messages, but the writer's concern suggests they mirror the lighthearted and potentially immature nature of their in-person interactions.

The crux of her dilemma lies in navigating the complexities of workplace relationships. She values the friendship but is also aware of the power dynamics inherent in the age gap and the potential for misinterpretation. The "Dear Mary" column will likely address the importance of maintaining professional boundaries, especially in the context of age differences and the potential impact on workplace perception. The advice will likely encourage the young worker to carefully consider the content and frequency of their communication, ensuring it remains appropriate for a professional environment. The situation highlights a common challenge faced by young professionals as they navigate the nuances of workplace relationships and learn to establish healthy boundaries.
Category: Politics